| care |
| Part of Speech: | verb |
| Definition: | tend to |
| Synonyms: | attend, baby sit, consider, foster, keep an eye on, keep tabs on,
look after, mind, mind the store, minister, mother, nurse, nurture,
pay attention to, protect, provide for, ride herd on, sit, take pains,
tend, treasure, wait on, watch, watch over |
| Antonyms: | disregard, ignore, neglect |
My older son, Big Boy, has been sick. My husband, GEH, has been sick. Friday, I started feeling sick. Friday night, Big Boy and GEH got worse. Saturday we all went to the doctor. We all tested positive for strep throat. We all needed rest. We all needed care. Tot-Tot started whining, too. We all needed antibiotics.
I don't know how to handle times like these. It's a struggle for me to care for people when I need to be cared for myself. When I must nurse while I need nursing. When I must mother while I need mothering. (I should mention that my children don't stop being children when they are sick. Illness rarely, if ever, slows them down. Neither germs nor viruses nor bacteria can slow their unstoppable play-drive. There has never been a napping sick child in my house--not once in 8 years. Childcare must, therefore, continue. Someone must watch the kids.)
The most painful part about weekends like this past weekend is that I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to be a nurse and a patient at the same time. It's an inescapable bind. And I worry, too, that the bitterness, sense of isolation, and depression I experience in these moments will impact my children. That I won't be a good enough caretaker of them when I am sick myself, when I am irrationally angry at my husband (and our lame excuses-for-parents) for not being superhuman, for not being able to conquer his own illness and care for everyone so I don't have to. I hate this bind, and I hate the mood I get in when I am stuck in it.
This weekend, when I was in a rut, an image of Big Boy, caring for his sick stuffed dog, Wheels, came to mind. Big Boy has had Wheels since he was about a year old. Wheels is very dear to him. One day, he was playing a game of tossing Wheels up in the air. Wheels kept bashing his hard plastic nose on the kitchen floor when he fell, and I warned Big Boy that this could break his nose. Big Boy persisted in his game, and, sadly, Wheels's nose broke off.
Big Boy tried not to show it, but he was devastated. I got out the crazy glue, and we put Wheels's nose back on his snout, right where it belonged. Then we made him a special hospital bed to aid his recovery (and to ensure that he wouldn't be jostled before his nose was fully reattached).
Assuming that Big Boy was feeling ok, I left the room for a while. When I returned, I saw this note had been left on Wheels's bed.
It says:
"Get better, Wheels. I was so sad when your nose fell off. I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry. -Big Boy"
Remembering this story this past weekend was a huge help. It was a good reminder that my care taking has been good enough. My son somehow knew how to care for his dog. He knew how to apologize and to wish him well. And he did it all on his own--no one had instructed him to write this note. In fact, I didn't even realize Big Boy knew how to send such a loving message! This all said to me that things have gone well...he has taken in enough of a sense of caring from us that he knows how to
give care. And what more could I want? What more is there to teach him?
So, when we're all sick, I suppose the best we can do is take turns. We each get to be patient and nurse, at least for moments. Thank you for the lesson, Wheels. You helped me make it through a rough patch.
