Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate Target

10. Too much diet coke. Not enough diet pepsi.

9. Zero brand loyalty. Where did the jarred Muir Glen organic tomato-herb sauce go? It's been replaced by Giada's big-booby sauce? Seriously??!? Come on. (Eye roll.)

8. I hate how much I hate Target. Because I hate it so much that I avoid going. Then, when dwindling toilet paper supplies finally force me to make a Target run, I have to stay LONGER. Hurt me.

7. Hunger. Thirst. Blood-sugar crash. Need to pee. Sweat. No basic needs can be met when you're surrounded by shit from China and processed food that we really can do without. How does this place make any sense?

6. TARGET-HEAD: State formerly known as air-headed or spaced-out or brain-dead. Time is lost in this state. Then you're sucked in for longer into the Target misery vortex!

5. Existential crisis, stemming from reason number 7. What are we doing to ourselves? How did humanity evolve to such a state where citizens have so little time that we're essentially forced to spend time among masses of artificiality??!? Really? This is what we want for ourselves? Really??!?

4. Cranky cashiers. Hey, listen, I wouldn't like working at Target, either (since I HATE IT THERE). But, I'm doing my best to be kind to you, Cashier Person. I know it can be hard to understand kindness and pleasantries in this unkind, bitter, narcissistic world we inhabit. I feel you. But even a flittering little smile has a resounding impact. Try it. Come on...Just give me a tiny little twitch in the corner of your mouth...you know you want to...

3. So few dads. So many moms. Are we any closer to sex-role equality? Or have we just boxed ourselves into this corner where women now work AND shop? Have we forced ourselves into spaces like Target because we really, truly, don't have time for both work and family-care??!? Let's rethink this. Dads, ya hear me?

2. Plastic bags. You cannot stop the insertion of items into plastic bags at Target. There must be a rule: each plastic, environmentally-toxic item must be wrapped in still more plastic. Even milk jugs go in plastic bags. And don't even think you can ask to skip the bags...remember the cashier in reason 4? She could give a shit about your eco-friendliness.

1. Child abuse. This needs no elaboration. Just stop...please make it stop. Love parents so they won't hurt their kids! Come ON--our society needs to GET WITH THE F'N PROGRAM.

Kids For Sale?

I get most of my emails these days through my iPhone. In case you're not familiar with iPhone e-mails, you can opt to have a brief preview of each e-mail show up in your inbox. The preview is formatted like this:

RETURN ADDRESS
SUBJECT LINE
FIRST LINE OF TEXT
SECOND LINE OF TEXT

The other day, I opened my inbox and saw this e-mail preview (from a local parents listserve that I am on):

From: SENDER'S NAME
Subj: 2 CUTE KIDS...
Msg: $5. Interested? Email me and I will send
you a picture.

It had been a bad mommy day. So, I read this and instantly thought:

"Wow! This mom has had an even worse day than I've had... Hers has been so bad, in fact, that she's selling both of her kids for $5 (that's, $2.50 each). Thank god I haven't yet sunk that low! Ha!"

(Insert maniacal laughter here.)

Then I opened the e-mail...and I saw that she was selling 2 cute kids CHAIRS.

All About Me

We live in a narcissistic society.

And that includes me.

I hate to think that I am a narcissist. I don't want to believe that I am full of myself or that I have little room to consider the perspectives of others.

I actually don't know that other people would call me narcissistic. I kind of doubt it...

But sometimes I wonder just how much of our narcissistic society has seeped into me.

I wonder this when I catch myself having days like I've had this week...days when I am CONVINCED that I have it SO MUCH HARDER than everyone else...days when I am so full of SELF-PITY than I cannot even begin to appreciate the goodness of my life...days when no needs on the planet can possibly outweigh MINE.

This is the emotional place where I go when I am overwhelmed...when there is too much to do and too few resources. I start to take it personally, as though the universe has targeted me as its sole victim.

Boy. It's pathetic, isn't it?

This week's self-pity has looked something like this:

-I never have any time to eat a salad! Or even a vegetable! Or even a PIECE OF FRUIT! Woe is me!
(in another state-of-mind, I'd decide to take better care of myself...)

-I cannot keep up with buying groceries, yet, still, everyone in this house has to be FED. By ME. Why only by me??? I do not want to feed another living thing. EVER. AGAIN.
(in another state-of-mind, I'd say that grocery shopping is relaxing...)

-It's spring break season...so lots of families are going away...we are not going away (because vacationing is just not something we can manage...especially not with our MASSIVE TUITION bill)...and since everyone else is going on VACATION, they are asking ME to do their work for them while they are gone. Wait...you get to go on VACATION, and I, who am not going on VACATION, will stay here...and do your WORK for you?? So you can REST? While I add YOUR WORK to MY WORK? F*ck you.
(in another state-of-mind, this might not bother me so much...might not...)

-All of the organizational systems I have worked hard to create in our house have totally MELTED DOWN. Because I haven't been able to monitor them. And because (of course) no one else in this house can do it like I can...which is a massive BURDEN. It's hard to be SUPERIOR to everyone else. Then everything falls on you.
(in another state-of-mind, I'd laugh at my own perfectionism, ignore the piles, and go to sleep.)

-My older son has a motor learning problem called "dyspraxia." (google it) This means that, as fabulous as he is, he is messy. VERY VERY MESSY. And uncoordinated. And massively disorganized. And this drives me NUTS. And I love him and think he is probably the smartest, sweetest child who has ever walked the Earth. But I hate his dyspraxia. And I want it to GO AWAY. Or else I want him to GROW UP FASTER so I won't have to take care of him like he is a MUCH younger child.
(in another state-of-mind, I'd enjoy getting to care for him like I do...and I'd be grateful that dyspraxia is his only problem and that he has such a lovely disposition...)

-TAXES ARE DUE! WHY DO I HAVE TO PAY TAXES??? I MUST BE THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO HAS TO PAY TAXES!
(In another state-of-mind, I'd be glad we live in America.)

-My cat keeps puking all over the house. And meowing at night. I want to kill her.
(in another state-of-mind, I'd be grateful for the deep relaxation I get whenever I hear her purr.)

-My kid's private school has more days off than I can count! What are we supposed to do for childcare on these days? How can we pay tuition when we have to take time off of work when there's no school?? Doesn't the school get it that we have to WORK to be able to PAY? And WTF with that TWO-WEEK-LONG spring break this year???!?!?
(in another state-of-mind, I'd be grateful we manage to send our boys to good schools, where they get lots of individual attention and still have time for recess...)

-Life is just way too hard on young families! There is not enough support! Things move too fast. Cell phones and i phones and mobile me and e-mail floods are going to drown us and radiate our brains and give us cancer! (which we won't be able to stave off, since, remember, we never have time to eat FRUITS OR VEGETABLES.) WHERE IS THE SUPPORT FOR YOUNG FAMILIES IN THIS COUNTRY? Is everyone trying to kill us via stress and nutrition- deprivation? We need HELP raising the next generation. And we are not getting it. We are screwed as a society. We are going DOWNHILL. Ours will be the last decent generation (assuming that we even are a decent generation).
(in another state of mind, I'd feel proud of the amazing parenting my cohort is doing, in spite of the endless demands on them...somehow, they're managing and our kids are thriving...but I can't see that in this state-of-mind.)

-Every woman I know says she needs a wife. Everyone wants a woman to be attuned to them, to help them, to anticipate and to meet their needs... Do you know any man who has ever whined that he needs a husband?? (I actually said this to GEH yesterday. Good Lord.)
(in another state-of-mind, I'd be grateful for my kind, loving, devoted husband.)

Ahh...the narcissism of self-pity...woe is me is, clearly, all about me.

I hope I escape the vicious loop soon.

Where My Kids At?

Have you seen this funny ad on youtube.com?:



Of all the hysterical Sienna video clips on youtube--this one is my favorite!

I've been trying to figure out what I like about it...here's what I've come up with:

-I can totally relate to the frustration of HOW LONG IT TAKES TO RAISE KIDS.

-I FREQUENTLY wish my kids would GROW UP and HELP OUT.

-I have a hard time playing with my kids...I have many "that's all I got" moments.

-It cracks me up that he's so bitter, talking about the gauntlet of children and toys when there's really not anything dangerous in his path...it just highlights the truth of how parenthood can feel HARDER than maybe it really is.

-I really appreciate all of this guys disavowed anger and frustration...he loves his kids, but the bitterness (ahh...the bitterness...) is ever-present.

-This clip captures the essence of how I (we?) often wish kids would be little adults...and, if we're honest with ourselves...we have to realize that the problem is not really the kids, but our own impatience and narcissism...and, believe me, I have it, too!

-And, really, it just sucks that kids mess with your stuff. Like when else in life do people get to mess with your stuff and you have to just TOLERATE IT?

-I also own a minivan...and I love it...although it decidedly does NOT make me feel like a hottie!

:)

How Many No's Does it Take to Equal NO! ?

My older son has stopped listening to me and GEH. It's as if he doesn't hear us at all. He starts doing something dangerous. We tell him to stop. He continues. We pester him. He continues. We nag...until we eventually have to physically interrupt whatever he is doing to get his attention. (Then he often cries and flees the room.)

What is UP with this? I did not think that age 5 would be such a challenge...I feel like he is already in the midst of some teenage-angst-ridden rebellion...ignoring, ignoring, ignoring us...and I am suddenly thrust into the role of the relentlessly nagging annoying mother who just can't let it go....

And the non-listening also happens when we go out. For instance, I took him to Target (aka, China) today to get (lead-ridden) exterior holiday lights. And, of course, he wanted everything. And, of course, I told him "no."

I remember a woman I used to babysit for advising me about being sure to routinely tell my kids "no." If I don't tell them "no" she said, they will not be able to tolerate hearing "no"...and will turn into the kind of kids no one wants to be around. So, I say this word A LOT! I mean, like, over and over and over again:

"No, you can't."
"No, not now."
"No means no!"

And, still, my kid pesters me. I mean, is he just an innocent victim of consumerism? (But this goes on even at home, when he relentlessly demands his own way.) Or does he need a hearing test? (His doctor says his hearing is on par for his age.) Because, I swear, he asks and asks and asks for things, and I repeat "no" each time. And this has. gone. on. for. YEARS.

Is it me? Is my "no" just not convincing enough? Have we coddled him too much in other ways? Do the poor starving kids in third world countries have this problem?

Ugh. Next week, I'll tell you about the whining...