Kids For Sale?

I get most of my emails these days through my iPhone. In case you're not familiar with iPhone e-mails, you can opt to have a brief preview of each e-mail show up in your inbox. The preview is formatted like this:

RETURN ADDRESS
SUBJECT LINE
FIRST LINE OF TEXT
SECOND LINE OF TEXT

The other day, I opened my inbox and saw this e-mail preview (from a local parents listserve that I am on):

From: SENDER'S NAME
Subj: 2 CUTE KIDS...
Msg: $5. Interested? Email me and I will send
you a picture.

It had been a bad mommy day. So, I read this and instantly thought:

"Wow! This mom has had an even worse day than I've had... Hers has been so bad, in fact, that she's selling both of her kids for $5 (that's, $2.50 each). Thank god I haven't yet sunk that low! Ha!"

(Insert maniacal laughter here.)

Then I opened the e-mail...and I saw that she was selling 2 cute kids CHAIRS.

Can you get tutoring for "mom brain"?

I recently agreed to run a panel discussion for a psychology symposium, as the panel's discussant. Sounds easy, right? Stand up, introduce the panelists, give a brief description of what everyone is here to talk about, then sit down...

But, actually, there is WORK involved. And I can't keep up with it. I get e-mails telling me what I need to do, including writing my bio, seminar learning goals, etc, and I can't seem to get it done...actually, I can't even remember the BASIC INSTRUCTIONS that I need to follow...you know, like how many goals to write, and when this is all due. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY BRAIN? My capacity for concentration and attention to detail is utterly shot. I would want it back, too, if I could think about it for long enough.

I was encouraged by an article I read last year about motherhood improving cognitive skills, you know, from all the MULTITASKING we do. The main study cited in the article looked at rat mommies and noted that they were able to do about a zillion little rat things while caring for their pups (compared to their male counterparts). **NOTE: Are you noticing how decidedly unscientific this description is? And I have a Ph.D. HA!!** Maybe my brain is somehow stronger now...but I can tell you, it is not functioning properly!

I think someone should start a business of working for moms as their auxiliary brains. For example, this person could follow a mom around, making notes of what needs to be done, posting reminders and regularly whispering in her ear "don't forget the wet clothes need to go into the dryer" or "you should be doing your work and not writing your blog"...or, what the hell, maybe they should just do it for her! Who are these lazy, pestering jerks anyhow?!?

Oy. I need a drink. Speaking of drinks...Did I mention that I quit drinking coffee? It was giving me severe blood sugar crashes. :( Maybe this is my problem lately. Maybe those rodent mommies did so well in their multitasking because they got to drink coffee.

Here's my new hypothesis:

Mom Brain (minus) stimulants = severe cognitive decline

I'd research this myself, but, well...wait...what was I saying?